[Movie Review] Wrestlemassacre


Wrestlemassacre from Fuzzy Monkey Films and Directed by Brad Twigg and starring Richie Acevedo, Julio Bana Fernandez, Rosanna Nelson, Jimmy Flame, Rene Dupree, Nicholas Yoder II, James L. Edwards, Nikolai Volkoff, Tony Atlas and Jim Fullington.

Ever wondered what would happen if Troma ever made a slasher movie? Ever wondered what would happen if a slasher movie had a scantily clad killer as opposed to just limiting that to the nubile women? Ever wondered if a midget wrestler could cut it as a gang boss? Well, this movie exists to show you all of that! Yes, even the scantily clad killer!

Said killer is Randy (Richie Acevedo), a Cuban Immigrant (or maybe he’s just of Cuban descent, the movie doesn’t make it clear) who works as a Gardner while dreaming of a Wrestling career like his father (Nikolai Volkoff) once had. Unfortunately he’s also a bit of a perv and peeping on the wife of one of his clients while she’s showering gets him a beating and ultimately fired.

He tries out for a local Wrestling school, gets his butt kicked there and laughed out. Talks to his dad about wanting to become a wrestler and we get a somewhat dragged out scene wherein the Dad reveals he’s always hated him for ruining his career….somehow.

All of this finally comes together and pushes him over the edge, first by strangling his abrasive dad to death. He then goes on to done his wrestling gear and vows to claim a Champion Belt…made from the flesh of his victims. Now THAT’S hardcore.

The gore effects too, pretty good for the Zero-Budget these guys must have been working with. While watching, I assumed that the cast were just pals of the Director and/or Producers or the Main star who were pitching in for free. Some of them being ex-Wrestlers themselves added to that assumption. There are plenty of Easter eggs for wrestling fans within the cast.

And when I say “Zero Budget”, I mean it. Acting that would make the cast of “Death Bed” look like Shakespearean Elite, lighting that’s nonexistent, filming that appears to have been done by phone (which CAN work, sometimes, but not here) and sound mixing that leaves you wondering just what is being said most of the time….well, it can take you out of the experience a bit.

There are female characters here, but only two seem to have any real character. The women in this spend most of it getting naked or being the token “Nice Folks” there to treat Randy like he’s human which leads to unrequited affections.

There are attempts at a social commentary that went over my head at the time (one of the people who usually hires Randy, Owen, just wants to come off as an open-minded Progressive for employing an Ethnic Minority, but he can’t even get Randy’s origin right since he keeps referring to him as Mexican) and sideplots that serve to fill out the time and help set up victims for Randy (gangsters that Owen owed money to, who end up taking him and his friends hostage at the end just when Randy is coming by to kill Owen so Randy can kill them all). And when I say fill out the time, I mean it. There’s at least an hour before the Wrestlemassacre begins. And by then there’s only around 30 or so minutes left.

So it’s a slow burn, but if you came for carnage, it will be worth the wait if you can make it through all the other stuff. And one heck of a “WTF?” ending there, which might have actually been set up near the start.